I've already mentioned that I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes. However, I've always considered myself a good friend. I tried to be there for all of my friends any time they needed me. I went all out when one of them needed me. I loved helping my friends. I used to do my best friend's chores when she forgot them so she wouldn't get into trouble. I tried to take care of her as best I could because she kind of got lost in the shuffle of 7 kids. We had our ups and downs but when she got pregnant I was the only one at first to support her decision to keep the baby.
I was there when her little girl was born and quickly fell in love with the beautiful baby girl. And I helped her take care of her whenever she needed. They were two very important people in my lives. One had been my best friend for 13 years and the other was a shockingly similar baby version of her. Even though her mother could drive me insane at times I adored them both and helped them as much as I could.
Then my life fell apart and I lost who I really was. I moved out of my parents home to share a townhouse with her and another good friend. It was a mistake from the begining. She and I were saving up to make a move to Seattle. A city we both loved. But our other friend needed to move out and we were both looking to leave our families. Each for different reasons. I took a leave of absence from school and began working as a receptionist/grief counselor/marker requisitioner. It was harder than we realized living together.
Then my life fell apart and I lost who I really was. I moved out of my parents home to share a townhouse with her and another good friend. It was a mistake from the begining. She and I were saving up to make a move to Seattle. A city we both loved. But our other friend needed to move out and we were both looking to leave our families. Each for different reasons. I took a leave of absence from school and began working as a receptionist/grief counselor/marker requisitioner. It was harder than we realized living together.
The house was always filled with people and there were always parties and unwholesome activities. In the begining I was still so numb that I didn't see what a mistake this was and how it was affecting everyone, including me. I was very focused on myself and mr. 6' 1". I was becoming selfish and uncaring. We said things in anger we never should have said and when she tried to apologize I turned my back. It was the first time she had ever apologized first and I didn't want to give in that time. I became much closer to my other friend and I didn't see the signs that she was falling back to old patterns and how depressed she was.
By the time my numbness wore off and I saw what was going on with the both of us it was too late. She was too far gone and angry and when I tried to warn her and help her she blew up and said she never wanted to see me again. She moved out and we didn't talk for 6 months. In the mean time she got married to a pretty good guy I knew before we stopped talking. They live with his parents for now and he'll be adopting her little girl. She's working to get out of debt and she doesn't really party anymore and she went back to school. I'm really proud of her. She's made so many great decisions for herself and her little girl who just turned 2. I really missed them.
So when I heard she got married I texted her husband and asked him to have her call or text me if she would since I didn't have her number anymore. She did. We talked for a little bit and then went out to lunch. I was glad to see her little girl and that she was healthy and that my friend was being a good attentive mother. She wasn't someone who I ever expected to be a mother and least of all so young. I guess mothering is instinctive because she never really got a good dose of it because there just were so many kids and her parents were pretty free-spirited. So I was willing to step in and help where she needed. And I did in the begining. So all the time we didn't talk I was worried about her little girl, but i was grateful to see I didn't need to worry anymore. She didn't need me anymore. She didn't need me to pick up the slack or solve her problems as I'd always done.
Although I was happy about this and all the great changes she made and proud of her I couldn't help feel a little sad. I liked it when I was needed. And I was sad that I missed her wedding. It was a simple ceremony in front of a justice of the peace but we'd had all these dreams about our weddings. I just always assumed I'd get to see him lift her veil when they became man and wife because I'd be maid of honor. It didn't happen the way I thought it would. Nothing did.
When we went for lunch I got to apologize and we patched things up, but that's what it was: a patch. Things will never be truly the same. Too much has happened since then. She has a new life that doesn't include me. I saw that when I went to her little girl's birthday party. There were all these new stories I didn't know and all new memories. She and I are both different people now and are lives are seperate unlike they were before. Now we're "old friends" not "best friends" and it's sad but not half as sad as if we'd never spoken again.
It just goes to show you how much simple choices can decide your fate. Who knows where we'd be now if I'd accepted her apology when she offered it and let the anger go when I was offered the chance. I want to always remember this life lesson so I don't let this happen again. i have some other friends I need to forgive. It may be just our time to move on from each other but I want us to go peacefully. Anger has no place in my heart anymore.
By the time my numbness wore off and I saw what was going on with the both of us it was too late. She was too far gone and angry and when I tried to warn her and help her she blew up and said she never wanted to see me again. She moved out and we didn't talk for 6 months. In the mean time she got married to a pretty good guy I knew before we stopped talking. They live with his parents for now and he'll be adopting her little girl. She's working to get out of debt and she doesn't really party anymore and she went back to school. I'm really proud of her. She's made so many great decisions for herself and her little girl who just turned 2. I really missed them.
So when I heard she got married I texted her husband and asked him to have her call or text me if she would since I didn't have her number anymore. She did. We talked for a little bit and then went out to lunch. I was glad to see her little girl and that she was healthy and that my friend was being a good attentive mother. She wasn't someone who I ever expected to be a mother and least of all so young. I guess mothering is instinctive because she never really got a good dose of it because there just were so many kids and her parents were pretty free-spirited. So I was willing to step in and help where she needed. And I did in the begining. So all the time we didn't talk I was worried about her little girl, but i was grateful to see I didn't need to worry anymore. She didn't need me anymore. She didn't need me to pick up the slack or solve her problems as I'd always done.
Although I was happy about this and all the great changes she made and proud of her I couldn't help feel a little sad. I liked it when I was needed. And I was sad that I missed her wedding. It was a simple ceremony in front of a justice of the peace but we'd had all these dreams about our weddings. I just always assumed I'd get to see him lift her veil when they became man and wife because I'd be maid of honor. It didn't happen the way I thought it would. Nothing did.
When we went for lunch I got to apologize and we patched things up, but that's what it was: a patch. Things will never be truly the same. Too much has happened since then. She has a new life that doesn't include me. I saw that when I went to her little girl's birthday party. There were all these new stories I didn't know and all new memories. She and I are both different people now and are lives are seperate unlike they were before. Now we're "old friends" not "best friends" and it's sad but not half as sad as if we'd never spoken again.
It just goes to show you how much simple choices can decide your fate. Who knows where we'd be now if I'd accepted her apology when she offered it and let the anger go when I was offered the chance. I want to always remember this life lesson so I don't let this happen again. i have some other friends I need to forgive. It may be just our time to move on from each other but I want us to go peacefully. Anger has no place in my heart anymore.
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